Too Many

Too many close calls lately. Too much BS. Too many misfortunes. Too many apologies. Not enough peace. Not enough meaning behind words. 


I lost my writing. Not much to put down in words. 


I have had a few very close calls these past couple days..and to think it is only tuesday night. This week is literally trying to wipe out my existence. It is beginning to be creative. 


I had someone pull out in front of me while it was pouring down rain..I had just left work 5 mins before..was only a mile down the road..not even..I was traveling 55 mph ..(thts the speed limit) and they decided to pull out in front of me. I slammed on my horn..not because I was mad...but because I was afraid I was not going to be able to stop. I thankfully was able to but it was very VERY close. The person naturally froze up and peddled the rest of the way down the road to the stop sign and then took off. I was then naturally mad after the shock blew by. 


Anyway. It is 8pm. I finished dinner and the dishes..and packing my lunch for tomorrow. I should go pick out my outfit for tomorrow.. and tackle a few more things I wrote down on the to do list..but we'll see about all that. I feel like taking out my contacts and laying my head down on my pillow and staying in a coma for a little while..horrible thing to wish. I don't wish it true either. I just am fighter that would like to not have to fight any battles for a little while. But then that is like saying I am _________ & I do __________ but I don't feel like it today. But that is all that you do. So what do you then do instead? *Shrugs.. it may be foolish to say that. However a break, a little time out would be a nice change of scenery. I chose some parts of my life BUT not all. So do not forget that. You can try your damnedest to make it better, brighter and so forth or ....
A life full of the obvious...the mysteries and the clues waiting to be followed..
 

No title. No title for these words. These scenes of my life.

My throat is raw from the screaming. Physically and metaphorically. 
I am slowly losing a grip on my sanity. 
The tears continue to pulse through my veins. I must let them out sometime..
 I am physically mentally and emotionally beyond exhausted. Over used. Over thinking. Drilled for resources, creativity, ideas stemming out of my very core. I have so much to say and express..just not all right now. I need to care for myself and continue to. I will take the beatings of life as they come my way like I do. I do wish that they would stop coming though. That there was a magnetic field that just sucked them up and contained them. The poison. 


I am done for right now. 


-J